7 Words to Avoid in a Difficult Conversation | Suwanaboomja

Difficult conversations are a part of life, whether it’s discussing a sensitive topic with a friend, family member, or colleague. No matter how well-intentioned you may be, the wrong words can make an already challenging conversation even harder.

Here are seven words to avoid when having a difficult conversation:

1. “You always/never…”: Using absolutes like “always” and “never” can make the other person feel defensive and undermine your message. For example, saying “you never listen to me” can make the other person feel attacked and less likely to engage with you.
2. “But”: Using the word “but” can invalidate what the other person is saying and make it seem like you’re not really listening. For example, saying “I hear what you’re saying, but…” can make the other person feel like you’re not really acknowledging their perspective.
3. “Should”: Using the word “should” can make the other person feel judged and criticized. For example, saying “you should have known better” can make the other person feel like they’ve done something wrong.
4. “Fine”: Using the word “fine” can seem dismissive and make the other person feel like you’re not really interested in resolving the issue. For example, saying “whatever, it’s fine” can make the other person feel like their concerns aren’t important to you.
5. “Actually”: Using the word “actually” can make the other person feel like you’re correcting them and undermine their confidence. For example, saying “actually, that’s not what I said” can make the other person feel like you’re trying to control the conversation.
6. “Nevermind”: Using the word “nevermind” can seem dismissive and make the other person feel like you’re not really interested in having the conversation. For example, saying “nevermind, it’s not important” can make the other person feel like their concerns aren’t valid.
7. “Calm down”: Using the phrase “calm down” can make the other person feel like you’re not really listening to their concerns and can escalate the situation. For example, saying “just calm down” can make the other person feel like you’re not taking their emotions seriously.

So what should you say instead? Here are a few tips for communicating effectively during difficult conversations:

1. Use “I” statements: Instead of saying “you did this” or “you made me feel that way,” try using “I” statements like “I feel hurt when this happens” or “I would like to discuss how we can work together on this.”
2. Repeat back what the other person said: This shows that you’re really listening and can help ensure that you understand their perspective correctly.
3. Ask open-ended questions: This can help keep the conversation flowing and show that you’re interested in hearing more.
4. Take breaks if needed: If the conversation becomes too intense, it’s okay to take a break and come back to it later when you’re both feeling more calm and collected.
5. Express empathy: Even if you don’t agree with the other person’s perspective, it’s important to show that you understand where they’re coming from and that you’re willing to work together to find a solution.

Difficult conversations are never easy, but with the right approach, you can communicate effectively and find a way forward. By avoiding these seven words and using effective communication strategies,you can create a safe and supportive environment where everyone feels heard and respected.

Remember, difficult conversations can be an opportunity for growth and understanding. By approaching them with empathy, respect, and an open mind, you can create stronger relationships and find solutions to even the most challenging problems.

Here are a few examples of how to apply these tips in real-life situations:

Example 1: A friend is consistently late for your scheduled hangouts.

Wrong approach: “You always make me wait for you! It’s so rude!”

Better approach: “I feel frustrated when you’re consistently late for our hangouts. Can we work together to find a solution?” Example 2: You and a coworker disagree on a project’s direction.

Wrong approach: “You’re wrong! This is the way we should do it.”

Better approach: “I understand your perspective, but I see it differently. Can you help me understand your reasoning, and let’s see if we can find a compromise?” Example 3: You and your partner have been arguing about household responsibilities.

Wrong approach: “You should be doing more around the house!”

Better approach: “I feel overwhelmed with the household responsibilities, and I would like to discuss how we can work together to find a more balanced approach.”

Final Say

By using these techniques and avoiding words that can make the conversation worse, you can transform difficult conversations into productive discussions. It’s essential to remember that these conversations take practice, so don’t be discouraged if it takes time to master them. With patience, empathy, and the willingness to learn and grow, you can create stronger relationships and find solutions to even the most challenging problems.

FAQs

How can I prepare for a difficult conversation?

To prepare for a difficult conversation, clarify your goals, think about what you want to say, practice, and choose a comfortable time and place.

What should I do if the conversation becomes too emotional or intense?

If the conversation becomes too emotional or intense, take a break, express empathy, avoid using accusatory language, and focus on finding a solution together.

How can I respond if the other person becomes defensive or hostile during the conversation?

If the other person becomes defensive or hostile, remain calm, validate their perspective, express empathy, focus on finding common ground, and take a break if needed.

Originally published at https://suwanaboomja.blog on March 1, 2023.